Asylummn

I haven't written anything for a while, so i guess it's time to take a word dump.
Or maybe.

My hearts pretty heavy right now, and I can feel some real life anxiousness sneaking up on me.
It would be cool if that wouldn't happen, but i guess that it sort of needs too. Sometimes i wish that people would read what I write. However, i soon remember after that they probably won't be able to relate in a way that makes them a help.
I wonder sometimes, why i can't let anyone help me. Why i can't sit down, and let someone have my ego, have my energy. It's difficult. Is it because of the awakened wild woman in me? that i can't take a deep breathe and let my body go with. Then relax. We can all smoke a little, or take some xanex, but we usually end up just repeating ourselves. When someone already knows about our past, then i guess it's time to move onto only talking about the future, or those petty life situations. The ones that don't really matter, and it's just about what you'll be doing tomorrow.

So take your pills, you stony eyed girl.
So take your pills, you drunk ass girl.

i guess, i just need to continue weaving a new web. It's going to be frustrating, and maybe even take a little while. I know it will be okay though. Eventually too, i'll be that little well off housewife. I will have a nice little career. Maybe a few horses. Show them here and there, i might get divorced. I'll have two children. The boy will be the oldest, and i'll share horses with my little girl. Life will be good, and i'll remember my youth for what it is. I hope to still grow, and keep the child in me alive. Right now i can feel the adult starting to root in my mind that wants nothing more than to hold onto that childlike innocence.
Perhaps i should listen to myself,

Innocence can't be lost, it just needs to be maintained.