We could go get coffee,and take morning showers together.
I must be selfish for asking that,
or maybe it's not meant to be right now.
I had a weird experience yesterday.
Evan said he decided to be nice,
and i don't believe that is possible.
It was a complete universe shift,
and almost shock, because i hadn't seen that side of him in forever,
i was only chasing after what i knew.
someone who's not a very nice person.
So as i was laying in his bed,
trying not to have sex with him,
or rather trying to hold off for as long as possible,
It was so odd.
How can someone be rude, and treat you like shit,
and then all of the sudden come to the conclusion that they want you,
and that they need you.
It's never going to work.
It never will work.
My body is so worn out,
and as much as i would love to invite him in,
to lay in bed all morning,
and take showers together,
I've built up these wall,
and i'm much too strong for it all. to let it go would be a waste.
To just take a breathe and relax, would be fatal.
I kept on hoping this moment would come,
but never thought it would,
and now that worlds are shifted,
i feel out of place.
I don't want the nice Evan.
I don't need a nice Evan.
I have myself,
and i'm stronger than i was before.
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