Asylummn

My whole body is a bit on the achy side. I wish i had a boyfriend, someone to hold me. Watch movies, hangout with every day. Tell stories. Cuddle in bed with. However, i don't. It will be okay though. I'm going to break away once again. Maybe grow up a little, stop partying so much. Get all of this anxiety under control. See my therapist. Concentrate on school and horses, because that is what seems to make me happiest. Possibly try and ride every day if I can. As well as start working out again. After all, i've got to start somewhere. Then i'm graduating. In the spring i'll always meet new people, new places. So why not just go for it. The only thing holding me back is security that really is not there. I miss the old independent me. Reading tarot in Starbucks. Reading some books as well, that reminds me I need to finish Catch-22. I've got a doctors appointment tomorrow. Hopefully she will finally help with all of this awful anxiety. I'm happy to have finally purchased my own show saddle, it was quite a bit of money, but i have a feeling it will be worth it. Having my own piece of high quality tack to show in. I also need to start working out again, if i'm in better shape, chances are i'll do better showing horses. I'm having a fun time teaching Frankie Showmanship. I feel like one she starts to really get it, we'll have a good shot. I'm also going to try out for some pageants this year. I'm getting a custom dress made, which should be sorta costly, but not as much as if someone across the country was making it. The summer is coming up too, which means i'll be working for Alladin, chances are we are having quite a few animals in this production. So its a big deal. Kim announced that she wants Ryan on our crew, which i'm excited, and agree with. I wish i could spend more time with him. I feel some sort of silly connection. Or its probably my imagination because i'm so attracted to him. I'm young though, and i know for a fact ( I think) that someone is out there for me. Their cracks fit perfectly in mine.

But hey,

If you love something,

Give it away.