Asylummn

Defining the word use, is something interesting. I believe we all use each other in some way. However, not for the negative. You use everyone in your life. Emotional support, security, a job, home, ect. Its no big deal.

Its just the line where using becomes obvious, and the second person isn't getting their fix in return. Two people can use each other, and that is what we call a trade right?

I have always, and will continue to search for people that are useful to me. Whats the point if someone is just laying there, sucking all of the life out of you. It doesn't make sense. They need to give you something. Freshen up your mind. Benefit you.

On another note, I've got an important note too write.

We usually get what we want, when we stop wanting it.

So i'm going to stop wanting you. I'm going to roll right over to the other side.

You are paying zero attention to me. I don't deserve that. Remember when you told me what i did deserve? and its sure not what you are. In fact, i don't feel like its right to have boundaries when i don't even get any time. I don't ask for much, but time, that's all i want. We can sit, and talk. You can tell me a list of your favorite childhood movies. I don't care.

You are oblivious, and if you wanted anything to do with me ( like you used to ) you would make an effort. So i'm done. And it hurts. and i'm hurt worse than before. Because that is all i can think about. All fucking day. Its awful. Your name just surfacing in my mind over and over again. I don't deserve it. No i don't. So I've got someone lined up to distract myself. And i'm going to run away, or at least my mind, fill it with all the superficial pleasures in the world. Do what i want. Even thought that would be you. And i won't say this, because then i would sounds like a little girl, and like i actually care, because i do. I just don't want to let on, you might take advantage of that, like you already are. I feel almost like this is some sort of punishment to maybe, for what i did. However. I'm going to get what i want, because my heart throwing tantrums and me a few times a day is not working out. I want my mind cleaned. this seems to happen a lot too. You get so busy and just forget that i exist. I'm sure you think about me sometimes, and miss me and whatever, or at least i would love to hope you do, but its not enough. i can't read your mind during the day. or night. Its just not acceptable, and i'm a mess from it all. So this is me, giving up.

At least for a little while.