Asylummn

I could really say a lot right now. Somehow though, i can't find the correct words. I feel like having someone to take my frustration and anger out on right now. I've got a lot of it pent up. I just think i'll start out with last weekend.

• I felt this pull too you like I've never felt too anyone. Ever. You were my opposite magnet and it was all i could do was bat my eyelashes and feel my body gradually pull me closer. It wasn't on purpose. Now, that its all said and done, i'm not sure how i feel about it all. I actually think i might be upset. With myself? or with you? because certainly i was a culprit, i pressured you. I spoke soft and sweetly. I feel guilty. Which is weird, and it makes me uncomfortable. So the other night. When everyone was together, and you pulled my arm back, and grabbed my waist, i was so taken aback. I was actually furious. Not happy about that. It brought about this rage in me. And i wanted too get away from you as fast as possible and i didn't care how i did it. I didn't want you too have the piece of me anymore. Because i don't want you. I don't trust you, partially because i don't trust myself too behave around you. So i won't pursue this. I'm sick of getting hurt by Capricorns. I'm so attracted too them, but they hurt me the worst. Every time, and I can keep doing this too myself, but its not in my best mental health interest. o
• I can see you trying trying too make everything better with yourself. I don't know if i'm better yet, but i know i give off the appearance of being okay. I just hope you don't remember what a mess I've always been inside. I'm also not certain if i was ever really hurt by everything, i know before hand, i was broken, and that has made a lasting impact, despite your efforts too heal everything up. I'm still, i don't think you make my heart ache the way everything did before. It still annoys me, too see you taking off where i left you, slowly picking up the path you couldn't find before. You're not yourself. I don't think you have a real personality. I don't think you ever will. You'll be one of those people too live cute, boring, insecure lives, you'll probably marry a normal looking girl, and you'll have a normal looking house, and a normal life. Maybe accomplish some of those cliche goals. But who really knows. I can't deal with that though, and that is why we are not together.
• I'm deathly afraid too trust you, in the back of my mind i have this feeling i shouldn't, but i want too maybe.