I was in the winter of my life- and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell sleep with vision of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three year down the line of being on an endless world tour and memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.

I was a singer, not very popular one, who once has dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again- sparkling and broken. But I really didn’t mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lied you head.

I was always an unusual girl. My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.

Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.

I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become, I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever- I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself- I ride. I just ride.

Who are you? Are you in touch with all your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy, but I am free.

I'm ready to shed my winter skin.

It's happened,
something bad has finally happened.


We've fallen asleep.
closed our eyes,
However,
we've all been through this before,
and it might take a little out.
Cause a few pains,
but just be prepared,
not too much so.


I'll be ready,
I'll change as well.
It's hurt real bad.
it will.

I know we all watch each other,
or at least I hope so.


Why do I have such trouble?
Why do I feel as if I never accomplish anything?

I'm not stuck in a rut?
That couldn't be.
Is it in the stars perhaps?

I've got a few goals here that i need to accomplish.

1. Become Miss rodeo Dixie.
2. Become a real ballerina.
3. Lose 20 lbs.
4. Get all A's and B's
5. Win a buckle for Green horse pleasure in CCEC.

Now I've got to break this into small goals.

Oh those nights that we've spent together.
All of them,
each special.

as sappy as that sounds.


I've learned a lot.
Now it's time to let it apply.
I love you,
and it won't ever be any different.
but hey.
If you love something,
give it away.





OH yea,
and i really liek this library.
and dance is kool.

Girls that smoke are sexier than most. The ones who aren't afraid of a midnight toke. The ones who will hit the bong, and rap with you to your favorite song. The chick you hang with on a sunny day, and just share that dank ass J. Not the stuck up cunt who talks shit in class, the one that rolls blunts and knows how to puff and pass. So this poems' to the girls that like that sticky weed, because they are the best woman indeed

The significance of this day Day Tecpatl (StoneKnife)isgoverned by Chalchihuihtotolin, the Jewelled Fowl, as its provider of tonalli (ShadowSoul) lifeenergy. Tecpatlisa day of grave ordeals, a day of trials and tribulations. It is a good day to test one's character, a bad day to rest on one's past accomplishments or reputation. Tecpatl warns that the mind, the spirit, must be sharpenedlike the glass blade which cuts to the marrow of truth

I was talking to someone the other day.
and they said,
that being happy puts you at a different level of consciousnesses.
oh, well if that is the case.
it's simple to see who is who and where is where.
but how i wish i was in califonia right now.
in la
venice
ojai.

away from this all.
living a different life.
i want to live a different life.

i was something different.
i was to hear your different topic of conversation every single day.

If i coudl have my money.
then i would pack up and leave today.

I would love to sell all of my furniture
donate my clothing.
don't tell them i'm leaving.
and go.

newnewnewfreshfreshfresh.

I"m very sick of sitting around all day.
smoking,
drinking
because there is nothing else.
this is a lame post.

baby you be hotter than a matchstickkk, badbitchhhhhh.

I've got a delicate body,
and a strong heart.

Sittin' in my bath.

on a Tuesday four o clock night.
someday, doomsday.
Mermaid love,
and mermaid kisses.

Lead to skeleton women.
dressed for late winter.
raindrops catching on eyelashes.
dark purple smoke.

oh if i could take a real deep breathe.
and exhale my worries.
let them run from my lips.
If only this was real life.


If only my problems were real.
lukewarm.
half/half.

I was sitting in that office.
Staring out that fucking window.
and it began to feel like every day of my life.

Why should we hate life?
Why should I have to work at a job i hate?
Why should i have to take pills to be able to function.


I don't have too.
and that's in the past.
It's only looking for future opportunities and what's really for the best.


I don't wanna end up a skeleton woman,
all shrived asking, pleading the passing strangers to pay her a glance.
Just so they can see her bones.

I wanna be the woman in the tiara, the suit, the wranglers, the black party dress.
I want to be alive again.
I feel a transformation taking place.
and i'm so curious for what it's to bring.
Because i know this is the real deal this time.
Everything has pushed me to set this up.

I'ts commonly known that if you set yourself up to fail.
Chances are it'll happen.

So i'm going to set myself up for success.

so fucking depressed lately.

It's not about me,
because she's been gone away awile.
 She's visitin'
but don you worry girl

Hurry getting there but take you time with getting back

If i were at a different poinit of time i wouldn't of been very happy.

But it's okay.
Why is it that in order to be happy?
We are  supposed to sacrifice our sanity.

Because i'm sorry,
but i'm not.

I won't take your pills.
I won't eat your taxes.

Your bank fees, or overpriced retail.

But i'll have some of that corporate coffee.


M T W T F

pills pills pills pills pills
I won't swallow them.
my body won't let me.
They don't feel correct.

A free mind that's a mess,
is better than a chemically altered robot mind.

It's that first or second windy 48 degree day.
So baby take me 7 hours away
get in my car
take those exits, drive to L.A
Talk under the stars
mountain cat
drink that urban coffee

don't you wish this was real,
that we could stay
no bra, no shoes, burning sage

instead now i'm burning myself
up with each extra cig
pills rolling on my lips with winter chills

warm up your starbucks in the microwave

My sister and I we're not close.

As we're standing talking about shit,
i turn and look

Might of been myself
might as well have been

pulling at the limbs, of an equine friend
until nothing was left of the creature


Oh girl, sweet girl, they've got you now.
Nobody can figure out where those
body part are going


Now, I'm not writing to you.
its for her.
doe eyes
That black neutral hair dye

Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.-Albert Einstein 

It isn't what i was,
but what i felt.

Stale energy is kinda annoying. The fact that people are so trapped within their own body, and you can feel their tension and closed mindedness radiating to those around them. It's not fun to be around, and I don't want to be anyone like that. I was a free open moving room that have wavelengths of light traveling smoothly without issue. Can't we just take off out blinders and relax. I already have enough anxiety and don't need yours projecting around the room. It's amazing how many people are wound up so tight. You can tell they've been raised in a shoe box or something. Never really being taught to think openly.To let their mind wander about without shame.

I highly doubt that you'll be over in twenty minutes.
Is life just sometimes this way?
Or is it my own brain telling me i'm crazy.
Maybe we're out of touch, or something of the sort.

But I can read you like no other,
I have your body language written down.
So don't think,
I won't hear what you have to say.
Maybe it's the way you look at me.

Truth is,
I think your pretentious,
and  you care too much about the image that you project,
even though you don't care about people apparently,
you don't like to really be around them,
especially new ones.

It's kind of strange,
I love being around all different types of people and appreciate each and every one of them
for their unique qualities, eventually.


But i like you.

And for me,
to have something good,
i'm willing to give that up,
and accept someone for who they are.
Can you do the same?

According too my book,
the way to overcome creative difficulties is to keep at it untill you get it.
Well first world problems are great but i'm not all that into it.
Why is college a black hole?
I see little,
if no,
opportunity,
maybe because i'm so distracted with just trying to stay alive.
I wanna save a little bit of money.
I wanna see my family more,
stop drinking so much.
Even though i'm with my boyfriend when i do drink,
i see it as a problem,
and i probably shouldn't drink like I do.
but i've gotta get up early,
and pick out an outfit
and live live live life.

Dark days.
Mind sorta  litttle crazyyyyyy.

Have you ever been to heaven at night? 

The weather gets colder
and my body goes into hibernation.

Hey, i'm sorry if i can't eat.
If only i could understand.
My mind is pretty sick right now,
might just be all in my head
however, i don't think it is

because before we know it;
i'll be passing out
swimming sick

So please,
i do need you.

Kiss my nose, lets tickle one another's toes.
Eskimos and butterfly all the time

don't need to worry about me,
because truth it,
i need someone to worry about me.

I won't let anyone care,
Won't let them stare at this feature creature

I can no longer laugh,
because she's real,
and some days i find little humor in reality.

I felt like i was doing well.
but
we were doing better.


but
then you said a few
words.

and crippled me
right in my tracks.

If i could just leave my body for the night.

Little girl, little girl.

Where did it all go?

What have you traded for pigtails,
Summers catching lizards and fireflies.

Dreaming of equine friends,
going on hot middle day trail rides.

What have you traded this for?

Nights spend drinking all you can,
taking pills too feel normal,
an office job and dry school.

I used to think one sounded better.

I'm not sure how it works.

don't count on others.
the only real person you have,
the only person you'll ever have,
is yourself.

You can depend on yourself,
so make sure your needs are taken care of
before you put your own well being on the line.
Nothing wrong with it.

Selfishness is deemed wrong
biblical scripture deciphers it as a sin.

When being selfish is a virtue
and rather than a negative
it's a positive,
selfishness is a virtue,
i once heard that from someone

they weren't very wise,
however,
we can all learn a thing or two that comes from the horse's mouth.

Let us drink wine from our enemies skulls !
Let us gain knowledge from their death. 

Bitch. 

Let's throw it away, pack up and go back to Ojai.